she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
