my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
