ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
