im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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