my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
