New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
