My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
