i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
