I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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