I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
