Where is the hickey?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
