...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have feelings that need drinking.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
