i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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