He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
