Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
