this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
