I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
