just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
