Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
