Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
