i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
