I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
