i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
