I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
