he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
