I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
