sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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