I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
