I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
