hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
did you just send me my own nude
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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