Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
