she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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