I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
