is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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