I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
