So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
