the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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