So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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