On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
