I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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