I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
