We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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