You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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