Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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