You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
