are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
