I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
