I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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