I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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