i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
