I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
