remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
