I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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