I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
